((*Ann Coulter is a Professional ****. Now, I've never met her: she
might even be a decent person personally. But professionally, she's,
well, a ****. Read below and see why she's right on the issue-and I'm
right on the subject of her ****ness. Bret.))
Ann Coulter
Whoreable Behavior
>>"This is a disaster for Hillary Clinton.
According to the wiretaps, New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer was delighted
to be getting the prostitute "Kristen" again. At least he knew her
name. It took Monica Lewinsky's boyfriend six ***ual encounters to
remember her name (raising his lifetime average to 8.2).
You know that queasy feeling you get thinking about Bill Clinton back
in the White House again? Now you remember why. Hillary Clinton
couldn't feel worse about the Spitzer case if she were an actual New
Yorker.
Proving that Karl Marx got everything wrong -- more bad news for
Hillary -- history is indeed repeating itself, but, contra Marx, the
first time as farce, the second time as tragedy. Clinton's scandal was
hilarious; Spitzer's is just depressing.
Most people outside of New York can't grasp the enormity of Spitzer's
political free fall.
Eliot Spitzer was the golden boy with an absolutely charmed life. His
parents were the children of Jewish immigrants, who created a Ralph
Lauren lifestyle for their children.
Spitzer's father made half a billion dollars in New York real estate
and raised three high-achieving children -- two lawyers and a
neurosurgeon. In a family like that, becoming governor of New York
makes you the black sheep.
Spitzer went to the best schools -- Horace Mann, Princeton and Harvard
Law School. He must have written some good papers.
He lives at the perfect address (Fifth Avenue and 79th St.) with his
perfect Harvard Law School-educated Southern Baptist wife -- whose
parents must be telling her they told her so right about now -- and
their three perfect daughters. (Admittedly, the apartment is a gift
from Dad: A mere top-flight education doesn't get you an apartment
overlooking Central Park.)
And now Spitzer's entire anal-retentive, good paper-writing life has
collapsed in the horrifying image of a frenzied masturbator. This is
the most complete coup de grace imaginable, short of an assassin's
bullet.
Spitzer's life is ruined. It doesn't matter if he has defenders who
will wail, "It's his private life!" It doesn't matter if he fights the
charges. It doesn't matter if this was a political prosecution. As
Talleyrand said: "It's worse than a crime; it's a blunder."
Eliot Spitzer, Harvard Law graduate and Fifth Avenue denizen, is
forevermore: "Client No. 9."
Forget about his career -- those around him better have him on suicide
watch. Dudley Do-Right is on tape in a white-knuckle negotiation with
pimps about payment for a prostitute. (Let's just be thankful that
there's no anti-Semitic expression for Jews haggling about money.)
No one will ever be able to look him in the eye again. How can Spitzer
hold a press conference when re****ters won't stop giggling at him?
Spitzer can't go to the restaurants he used to frequent. He can't go
to the Whitney Museum near his apartment. He can't go to track meets
at his daughters' expensive private school. He can't show his face in
public.
The golden boy's disgrace is deep and subliminal; it can't be
expunged.
One shudders to imagine the sepulchral gloom pervading the Spitzer
home this week. At least Hillary would liven the place up with some
lamp-throwing.
Whatever Spitzer's flaws, he was a pristine product of wealth and
attainment. And he threw away a star-studded life of accomplishment in
a wanton, reckless pursuit of *** with prostitutes.
There's no prettifying what Spitzer has done. The Web site of the
"Emperor's Club VIP" whorehouse patronized by Spitzer heroically
claims the prostitutes -- or "models" -- are chosen for their "level
of education, family background, intelligence, personality."
One can almost hear the typical John, heavy-breathing into the phone:
"And this one you call 'Busty Betty' -- does she come from a good
family? Parents still together? What church do they attend?"
Surprising no one, police wiretaps indicate that the "models" were
semi-literate, could not learn to swipe a credit card and seemed
invariably to be on drugs. That's what you get for $2,000 an hour in
this charming business.
After one prostitute missed an appointment and left a "crazy" text
message for one of her pimps, the procurer remarks that the girl is on
drugs. It seems, the procurer adds, "a lot of these girls deteriorate
to this point."
Behold the "victimless" crime of prostitution. Hard to believe these
girls would turn to drugs. Having *** with strangers for money,
nothing to live for ... just thinking about it makes me want to take
drugs.
It's absurd to talk about Spitzer's problem being "hypocrisy" -- as if
everything would be fine if only he had previously advocated legalized
prostitution.
It's absurd to talk about "alpha males" and political power -- an
alpha male does not bring his family shame and disaster. Who was more
alpha than Ronald Reagan? Think he ever had a "whore problem"? This is
more like a dog who wee-wees on your leg.
It's absurd to talk about legal defenses. This guy has fallen from the
pinnacle of New York society to being a disgrace to his class. He's
the Ivy League version of Paris Hilton.
That was always the advantage Clinton had: We never expected any
better. He went from Skunk Trot, Ark., to Skunk Trot, Ark. Spitzer
fell from Fifth Avenue to Skunk Trot, Ark. "<<
((PS. The postal abbreviation for Arkansas is AR. The abbreviation for
what Ann should spray her writings with is FDS. Bret. ))
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