Chick Singer Fines -
listed below are frequently committed crimes & misdemeanours and
the
recommended fines
Setting her purse on top of grand piano - $35
Asking the Fender Bass player to play arco - $75
Carrying charts in a Fendi bag - $200
Using a cart with wheels for her Shure microphone - $110
Likes to sing 'The Boy From Ipanema' - $140
Asks the sax player to play ***ier, like Kenny G - $500
Sings the National Anthem as a jazz waltz - $215
Asks sound guy to raise 653kHz .25db. - $100
Asks sound guy to fix the 'EKG' - $200
Singing the bridge to 'Misty' while singing 'Skylark' - $30
Admires Darlene Edwards' pitch - $125
Admires Jonathan Edwards' time - $125
Insists Lena and ****rley are related - $200
Insists Dinah and Diane are related - $250
Doesn't understand the lyric to 'Let's Call the Whole Thing Off'
-
$45
Doesn't know the lyric to 'In Othe r Words' - $80
Knows the lyric to 'Fly Me to The Moon' - $180
Dedicates 'The Second Time Around' to her first husband - $50
Dedicates 'Just Friends' to her sister's husband - $150
Announces over the PA which band members are married - $100
Dedicates 'The First Time If Ever I Saw Your Face' to Elaine,
her
life partner - $69
Sings 'Memory' in her medley from 'Lion King' - $45
Sings 'Memory' & 'The Way We Were' as a medley - $250
Has a Broadway medley over 35 minutes long - $700
Dates the trombone player because he knows Finale - $200
Dates the trombone player because he owns a PA system - $300
Dates the trombone player - $750
Thinks vibraphone is a new kind of I-Pod - $100
Brings five gown changes to a Bar Mitzvah - $500
Sings 'Guess Who I Saw Today' for the Bride & Groom's first
dance - $125
Steals her 'scat' licks from Helen Reddy- $1000
Asks the drummer to play an octave faster - $80
Dates the drummer because he can play an octave faster - $235
Doesn't know her key for 'When Sunny Gets Blue' - $1000
Thinks Kate Smith was a Jazz Singer - $1,000
Thinks Karen Carpenter was a great drummer - $500
Has a vibrato that you could drive a Mac Truck through - $250
Insists that Hoagy Carmichael wrote the lyrics to 'Stardust.' -
$4,500
Never knows when to come in. - $1.40...
Has dated everyone in the band -$100 deducted from every
paycheck
Insists that 'Lover Man' be played as an up-tempo swing - $60
Taps the rhythm with the fingers of the hand holding the mic
-$350
Scats on every song in the set including 'The Christmas
Song' -$4,501 - Why the extra dollar?...............It's probably all she
has left!
Asks the drummer, 'what key do I do Route 66
in?'.................. - Fire her....she's out of money and can't afford
to
pay her fines.
Announces that 'we're doing this one for the first time now' just to
make sure the entire audience catches the clams. - 75 Euro
